Watch Your Thoughts

“Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they lead to actions.
Watch your actions, they create habits.
Watch your habits, they build your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

~Upanishads

with love and gratitude

Words that heal

by Deepak Chopra

There is a long tradition, both East and West, about sacred words. We don’t resort to that kind of thing very much in modern life. If you are a devout Catholic you repeat the rosary, and in many sorts of Buddhist and Hindu meditations a mantra is repeated over and over. There are two reasons for this, usually. One is that the repeated words go directly to God, as prayers do. The other is that repetition fills the mind with a deeper intention that can create a good effect.

I wonder if it isn’t time to consider how words can help to heal. I’ve been fascinated for a long time about how to update traditional spiritual practices, and this one is especially promising.
What can a mere word do to heal?

In ordinary life words can be incredibly powerful, creating instantaneous, often dramatic changes in mind and body. Think of the difference between hearing the words “You’re hired” and “You’re fired.” How many lives have been changed by “I love you”? Yet we actually know very little about how to consciously employ the effect that a single word can have.

Let me make some suggestions for you to ponder:
Withhold harsh words: Being honest doesn’t mean being brutal. In the name of telling the truth, we’ve all heard — and said — things we’re sorry were ever uttered. It’s worth remembering that every cell in your body is eavesdropping on the brain, and when you feel hurt or shocked by what you hear, the same shock is occurring to hundreds of billions of cells.

I became a doctor just on the cusp of a big change in this regard. It used to be that physicians hardly ever told fatally ill patients that they were dying, often withholding even the diagnosis. (When the last emperor of Japan died, he was not told his diagnosis — the old practice still holds in other cultures.) It was thought that receiving bad news could hasten a person’s death and impair his chances of recovery. This effect is known as nocebo, the reverse of placebo. In essence, your body metabolized bad news and becomes sicker, or it metabolizes good news and starts to heal.

Today, we believe it is only ethical to give patients full disclosure about their illness, and on the whole that is the right thing to do. But it doesn’t erase the nocebo effect. Leaving medicine aside, consider withholding harsh, harmful truths in daily life. There is no reason to discourage a child, for example, by saying hurtful things.

It’s well known in psychology that descriptive statements (such as “you’re lazy, you can’t be trusted, you’ll never be as smart as your sister,” etc.) make a much deeper impression than prescriptive statements (such as “pick up your room, remember to come home on time, be nice to your sister” etc.) Sometimes a single derogatory sentence from a parent or close friend can remain stuck in the brain for life, serving as a toxic seed that grows into a belief that one will never be good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. It’s much harder to remove these seeds than not to plant them in the first place.

Words that heal: Besides holding back on harsh and derogatory words, saying words that heal really works. Offering reassurance in an anxious situation settles people. Reminding someone that they are loved, respected, and valued should be a habit. Such words serve to bond two people together at a deep level if the words are backed up with simple, sincere, believable emotion — not over-stated emotion but natural feeling. We tend to be shy about exposing ourselves emotionally, but only if you try can you gain the benefit.

Then there are words we say only to ourselves, silent words of healing. In the East there are thousands of such formulas, many gathered under the loose term of mantra, that are repeated in order to infuse the mind with their good effect. You can’t get much effect from repeating a word like love, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness when your mind is agitated or filled with the flotsam of everyday life. But if you deepen your awareness through meditation, which brings one’s attention to a level of silence beneath the surface static, then healing words can have quite a strong effect.

It is taught that healing words, when said at a subtle level of the mind, can do several things. They can purify the mind of negative thoughts by introducing a more positive effect (such as replacing “It’s my fault” with “Blame won’t help anybody”). A healing word can bring comfort; it can add a positive element to your surroundings. It can improve your mood and the overall tone of your demeanor, which others will notice and take heed of.

I’m suggesting that healing words need to play a more important role in our lives. This is a vast territory worth exploring. As a society, we’ve become experts at words that definitely don’t heal: gossip, cynicism, skepticism, accusation, partisan wrangling, smear campaigns, and character assassination. As a result, we know all about the bad effects of such words. Why not consider the positive effect of saying words that work in the opposite way?
Published in the San Francisco Chronicle

Positive power

By Shantini Suntharajah
Michael J. Losier will be in Malaysia next week. Photo from MPH Distributors

With the power of positive thinking behind it, this author’s debut book has sold millions.

He’s written a book that has sold in the millions around the world and, yet, he says, “I rarely read. In the last 30 years, I may have read 25 books.”

That’s Michael J. Losier for you. He’s a doer, not a reader, a believer in the power of positive thinking. It has certainly worked for him since the very first book he ever wrote, Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don’t, became an international best-seller soon after its 2003 release, is currently available in 28 languages – and, ostensibly, one is purchased every two minutes by someone, somewhere in the world!

Since writing Law of Attraction, Losier has been interviewed, on radio, more than once by uber TV talkshow host Oprah Winfrey. He has also hosted his own show on Winfrey’s radio network (Oprah Radio). These days, Losier travels the world conducting highly sought-after seminars and guiding others on how to use the principle that changed his life.

In Law of Attraction, Losier explains that every thought and feeling emits either a positive or negative vibration or energy. The “Law of Attraction”, or universal energy, will respond according to the vibration offered through these thoughts and feelings.

Losier summarises this law with this mantra: “I attract into my life whatever I give my energy, attention and focus to, whether positive or negative”.

His clear and concise explanations have led to him being known as the “how to” guy for the Law of Attraction. Losier doesn’t purport to be the inventor of the theory but says he learned about it two decades ago, mainly from books that were written in the early part of the 20th century.

Earlier this year, Losier released a second book called Law of Connection: The Science of Using NLP to Create Ideal Personal and Professional Relationships. He says he felt compelled to write it when seminar attendees and readers of his first book began approaching him for advice on improving their communication skills. They were keen to learn how he successfully connected with people from vastly differing backgrounds and cultures.

In an e-mail interview, Losier reveals that his training in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) during his days as a project manager lies behind his boundless communication capabilities – “I connect well with people. I rarely have any miscommunication or conflict.”

According to Losier, NLP is essentially the study of human behaviour and communication: “What turns people on or off, what motivates them and how to connect and communicate with all types of people.”

It took Losier six months to finish his second book and he had to do it in between teaching and travelling. Fortunately, a large chunk of the background research on the subject was already at hand. “All the data and information in the book came from my training notes that I have been using for eight years,”

Through careful study of his notes, Losier has concluded that a single focal element separates good communication from bad. “It’s all about rapport,” he says. “When the rapport is not there or the rapport is broken there is little to no connection.”

In essence, Losier’s new book is a step-by-step guide on how to maintain rapport through effective communication.

Before his emergence as a tremendously successful personality in the self-help scene, Losier worked as a project manager with the Canadian Government. He believes his success can be traced back to the code he adheres to. “When I transitioned out of my government job I used the Law of Attraction to attract speaking engagements and clients … it worked well.”

Losier, 47, grew up in New Brunswick in eastern Canada and remembers a calm and gentle childhood. “I spent a lot of time with myself. I was different from the other kids, I was more internal and quiet and very positive.”

As a child, Losier saw himself growing up to be a teacher, an aspiration that has become a reality, though in a more non-conventional way – he now coaches scores of people in his seminars and training courses. “I wanted to be a teacher, a traditional one but this is more fun – teaching personal growth to mostly adults.”

Losier hopes to help as many people as possible through his books and seminars and conducts training courses on the Law of Attraction to spread the word further.

“My main focus with the Law of Attraction is to train others to teach and deliver it through their own seminars. I have certified 127 people from 11 countries.”

So far, Losier has certified eight trainers from Malaysia and is pleased that they have opened a Law of Attraction centre in Kuala Lumpur. “They are an eager and ambitious group and are supporting many people and corporations in the use and application of the Law of Attraction in their personal and business lives.”

Like many others who write self-help books, Losier has his share of detractors. His first book has sometimes been dismissed as a passing fad or, worse, new age “mumbo jumbo”.

Unperturbed, the “how to” guy sticks by what he believes. “I don’t attract them (the sceptics) and it’s okay if they think that. I did not write it for them. I wrote it for people who want to learn more about the Law of Attraction.”

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